My Confession:
I’m a full time working mom that struggles with mom guilt.
At first I thought there was no possible way a stay at home mom could possibly understand how us working mom’s feel. I mean how could they, they don’t drop their kiddos off at daycare or miss out on special event’s at school for work.
After a conversation with a stay at home mom friend of mine I got to thinking. I realized that us momma’s are all the same. At some point or another we all have the same feelings. You know the ones of regret and guilt. The ones that hit us as we lay in bed at night thinking about how we wished we hadn’t yelled, or got impatient. The guilt will creep up for so many reasons, things we should of, could of or would do if we had the choice.
The only thing I have found different between us working momma’s is that we still want it all. We want to be able to provide financially for our families, and also be there for everything. At the end of the day we give all of us to everyone else and the guilt cycle swirls out of control.
Deciding to be a working or stay at home mom is no small decision. So why do any of us feel any guilt for the decision we make and what’s best for our family ? If this sounds like you or describes any of the feelings you may have keep reading. My hope is to share some of the things that have helped me and that together we can stop comparing, lessen the guilt and give ourselves some grace.
IT TAKES A VILLAGE
I was reminded recently during a church service about how important it is to have as many people as possible pouring into our kids. Whether its at church, daycare or school, etc this will give you and them the opportunity to grow in ways that you wouldn’t be able to together. This along with remembering all the things I’m able to provide for my family since Im working sure does make me feel less guilty for having to drop my kiddos off at daycare.
YOU DESERVE ALONE TIME.
As moms this one is super hard, at least it is for me. I mean we all knowingly become parents expecting to sacrifice a tad bit of ourselves. However that does not mean every waking second of every day needs to be centered around our kids. Yes I’m talking to you working moms with all the guilt about not spending enough time with your kids. Trust me on this one it’s ok to hide in the closet for 5-10 minutes and eat the the dang cookie (so you don’t have to share it). I have also gained some sanity back now that I’m waking up just an hour before the kids. It gives me time to do a short workout and drink a warm cup of coffee!! It makes for a great start to the day. I also make a point to do a lil at home spa day every once and a while.
REMEMBER: A FLOWER CANNOT GROW WITHOUT WATER.
THEY WON’T REMEMBER ONE MISSED EVENT.
Holding back the tears while I write this one. The fact is being a working mom means missing things. The good news is our kiddos are resilient. They thankfully will only remember the things we did make it to. It’s not real life to make it to everything, not even stay at home mom’s can make it to every program, party, game ect Gather a list of back up adults that can go in your place grandparents, aunts/uncles or even a close girlfriend. Remember it takes a village !
MAKE THE TIME COUNT WITH YOUR KIDS
The days are long, stressful and full of a million things to do and no time to do them. Set aside some time to be completely present with your kids. It can be as simple as an inpromtu dance party, brushing there hair, reading a book or just asking them what the best part of their day was.
OTHER MOMS WILL TALK ABOUT YOU
That’s right, they may not intend to but there comments to your face or to other moms will hurt. I have heard things such as ” I haven’t seen you at school all year, It’s nice to finally meet you” or ” Olivia’s mom works so we wont bother including her” No one else guilt can effect you unless you allow it to. They aren’t you, your kids are not there kids. You are doing what you already know is right for your family!
The reality is that some momma’s do have it all together, they are built for this mom thing. I’m not one of them but my wish is that we can give eachother grace. Stop comparing and start sharing. Lean on eachother. Remind eachother that we are all doing our best.
Guilt has no place in motherhood. Your ALL Fantastic momma’s
Smile,
Kayla
